Nugatory Love
by ImmahBack
Summary: She had thought they would have ended up together, in love, and happy. But as life takes a turn for the worse and knocks Rin off her feet, how will she deal with all the changes? Will she unravel and be destroyed, or will she stay strong?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Unraveling of My Heart

 **Hey guys! I am slowly starting to rewrite/edit the story. Anyways, hope you like this story! Please review and let me know what you think! :) Requests: If you want to request a story to be written, let me know what characters/anime etc they are from and I will do my best :)**

 **Thanks!**

Summary: She had thought they would have ended up together, in love, and happy. But as life takes a turn for the worse and knocks Rin off her feet, how will she deal with all the changes? Will she unravel and be destroyed, or will she stay strong?

8

"What are your plans for the future, Rinera?" Her grandmother Kaede inquired as the both of them watched Kagome and Inuyasha dance at their wedding. Kagome was Rin's best friend and the other foster child that Grandma Kaede watched over. They grew up together and were very close. Rin currently worked as a secretary at Inutaisho Corporations; but she also was advancely trained in karate and also was employed to defend the company from dangerous foes. However, she wanted to do more with her life; and was going to school to become a doctor.

Rin paused in thought before answering. "I plan to keep working on earning my PHD in medicine and help people. That's what I think the future has in store for me."

"No room for romance?" Kaede teased as she ate a piece of cake. "I want both of you to be happy before my time is up here."

Rinera smiled gently. "I don't think that romance is in the cards for me," she joked.' _I don't deserve it, Grandma Kaede. I've done nothing to deserve it…'_ she thought somberly. Quickly, the girl recovered; not letting the elderly woman see how much the statement affected her.

" I just hope I can get a degree that I can use to help others. I just want Kagome and those who are dear to me to be successful and happy. And that's all I can ever ask for."

Kaede paused, slightly shocked at what she heard. "Do you think that you don't deserve it? Why Rin, everyone deserves a chance to be loved and be in love!. Why do you think it's not "in the cards" for you as you put it?"

Rin's gaze drifted down to her plate. " I'm twenty two years old. I should be focused on doing what I can to make something of myself. I shouldn't be complaining about my life and what I don't or can't have. I'm just thankful that I have wonderful people around me. Anyways, today isn't about me. It's about Kagome and Inuyasha. I'm so happy for them! I wish them the best." She turned her gaze back to the couple on the dance floor so Kaede wouldn't see her glassy eyes.

Kaede sighed and shrugged. "Whatever you say, my dear. As long as you are happy. That's all that matters."

Rin closed her eyes for a moment and then quietly stood up. "I'm going to the restroom but I will be back."

She skirted around the other guests and kept herself together for the public eye. A lump formed in her throat; and tears pricked her eyes. Fortunately, the rest room was empty. She ran to the last stall and locked the door before sliding down to the floor. Tears ran down her face as she sobbed. She instantly stifled them as the door opened.

"He is beautiful. I heard that he is the most eligible bachelor in Japan. I need to jump on this opportunity." Kagura murmured as she freshened up her make up.

"I agree. With a marriage between your father's company and Inutaishio Corporation, the businesses would thrive! You and Sesshomaru would make a lovely match," Kanna eagerly agreed.

"Hm. It's a lovely future. Although I so do not like Kagome or Inuyasha, I'm sure we could make them penniless. Sesshomaru despises his half breed of a brother. I'm surprised he's even friends with that pathetic ugly thing of a girl. What's her name? Ren? Ran? Whatever. She'll also be the first to go. I heard he's tired of her too. He left early too. Such a shame. I'll have my father pursue the marriage alliance. Let's go. I'm tired of being in here."

The sound of their heels echoed loudly in the restroom and with a slam of the door, they were gone.

She quietly crept out of the bathroom and back out into the reception hall. She kept close to the wall to avoid smacking into people, but knowing her luck, she smacked right into Izayoi who was running around with her camera shouting "I must take photos for my baby's wedding!"

Her eyes widened in embarrassment as the woman's expensive camera crashed to the floor. "Izayoi! I'm so sorry! Oh my gosh!"

She scrambled to pick up the expensive camera and held it out to the woman. "Oh, Rin! It's alright my dear. Actually, it's good that I found you! Sesshomaru is looking for you! He's outside in the garden "getting fresh air because there are way too many inferior idiots taking up his precious space". Maybe you can keep his lonely self some company! Did you like the deserts? I looved the pie! Taisho loves pie! I better get that old quack some before he whimpers about the pie being gone! Toodles!"

She hurried off towards the desert table, leaving Rin in awe of her crazy amount of energy.

She headed towards the garden to where Sesshomaru was and hoped he was in a decent mood.

The two of them had met in high school, and had been best friends ever since. However, their interesting friendship hadn't started out easy. He had hated her at first, and she had thought he was an arrogant asshole. But as she had learned more about him and his ways, she had come to understand him. He had helped her through the tough years in highschool-battling depression, stress, stupid relationship issues-and she had given him a companion that was always there for him. It had taken him months to open up to her, but she had realized how sensitive and intelligent he was. He had a wonderful heart hidden away from the world due to scars and walls that he had built around himself over the years.

She wandered around the garden lost in thought until she nearly tripped over his long legs. He was dressed in an elegant suit and was seated on a bench tucked away from the building. His silver hair shone brightly in the moonlight.

"...Sorry, Sessh. I was busy in thought. Izayoi said you wanted to see me?"

He nodded and turned to face her. "I was going to invite you over after the reception had ended. Kaede is staying with my parents and I don't want you driving home late."

She smiled. He had always thought of her safety first. "Thanks. I haven't seen you in awhile. How have you been?"

Worry etched itself on his face. "I've been okay. I'm...under a lot of pressure from my father and the company to marry. I don't want this responsibility. I'm just tired of it all."

She pulled him into her embrace. "Don't worry, Sessh. I'm here for you. Please remember that. You'll be okay."

He sighed in her arms and awkwardly pulled her closer. He wasn't used to any sort of physical contact with anyone.

She rested her head against his chest and let the world fade away as they found comfort in each other.

Sesshomaru and Rin had left the wedding around 11 P.M. Most of the guests had left by then, but Rin had wanted to stay to help clean up. Inuyasha had gotten very intoxicated and had decided to redecorate half of the reception room with wedding cake.

As they left, Rin giggled about the mayhem. "That idiot causes chaos everywhere he goes! At least Kagome is there to keep him in line."

Sesshomaru huffed. "He's just stupid. The cake was a nice touch."

Rin hit his elbow. "Oh, come on. We all do stupid things. He has a good heart and he can be smart about things. I thought it was hilarious."

A short "hn" was his only reply.

They arrived at his house-mansion more like it. The family didn't have an arrogant attitude about their wealth, but they sure didn't squander anything when it came to their homes.

He left her at the staircase after he had bid her goodnight, knowing that she knew where her room was. As she watched him leave, she felt the loneliness rejoin her company once again. Kagura's words flashed in the back of her mind; and feelings of dread filled her stomach.

"S-Sesshomaru! Wait...please." she whispered to his back.

He turned his head in her direction; raised an elegant eyebrow as if he was questioning her.

Her heart thumped painfully as she looked into his beautiful eyes. Her legs gave out; but he quickly caught her.

"Are you alright, Rin?" his deep baritone voice soothed her.

She nodded and tried to escape from his arms. Sesshomaru only held her tighter.

"What is going on with you?" he questioned as he smelt tears.

He acted different towards her, and she knew that he was keeping something from her.

Her intuition told her to confront him.

Her heart told her to stay away. The news could bring pain that she couldn't handle. She needed to stay numb for a little while longer before she could tell him her secret.

"N-nothing. Must of had too much to drink. Good night!"

He nodded and let her go, but didn't appear to really believe her excuse. She hurried to her room and collapsed on her bed.

She tossed and turned for what seemed like hours in the night. She wanted to know if he really was seeing Kagura, but dreaded the answer. Around 2 AM, once realizing she would not be able to sleep, she rose and left without a care in the world for where she would end up. She had somehow found herself in twenty four hour bar, sitting alone at a table with the bitter taste of alcohol searing her throat. Kohaku was working the graveyard shift at the bar; but she ignored his concerned look. He had promised her a ride home when his shift ended; but any other attempts at conversation fell on deaf ears.

She didn't care about anything at all.

At least she was feeling something in the midst of all the numbness. Even if the feeling was pain and temporary, she would take it any day over the numbness that had taken control of her body.

She tried to reminisce happier times with him; however, the lump in her throat choked her to the point of silence. It was better to feel nothing and get by, than deal with gaping wounds.

In her silence, other common patrons of the bar sat in their respective places. What little small talk there was amongst them faded into white noise. Hours passed by, and soon the 6 o'clock morning news was playing in the background; and normally she paid it no heed.

"...and the latest gossip from Gossip Magazine says that Sesshomaru Takahashi is engaged. The bachelor heartthrob will be a married man soon. Is there heartbreak in the midst of this romance? Stay tuned for more information about who the gorgeous lucky fiancee is! My name is Kaguya Izumi, from Gossip Magazine!"

Something in her snapped. A scream of frustration escaped her lips as she stalked towards the bathroom.

This is what he had kept from her.

People were too drunk or lost in their thoughts of depression to notice her. She unsteadily opened the door and grasped the dirty porcelain sink for dear life. Tears escaped tired ragged eyes.

She gazed at her reflection and silently sobbed at how her appearance had gone down the drain. Her once beautiful skin and lustrous hair had become dull, and lifeless. She punched the mirror in a fit of rage, and small droplets of blood and glass were everywhere.

"It's not fair…" she gasped out. "I can't….I can't...I must do this. Oh, God. Why? Why?"

She sank to the floor and clutched her arm as it throbbed in pain. With the last bit of energy she had, she leant her forehead against the wall and sobbed. The door opened and closed quickly; and sometime later someone entered. Gentle rough hands picked up her tired form off of the ground.

"Oh, Rin…"

It was Kohaku. Kohaku worked at the bar sometimes, but she didn't remember if he was working tonight. Then again, in her sluggish thoughts, she hadn't noticed who was or wasn't there. SHe heard someone call someone on the phone, but she closed her eyes and let darkness hold her. Several minutes later, a very concerned female voice entered the bathroom. Rin opened her eyes for a brief moment and saw a blurry Sango.

"Why is she like this? How long has she been here?" Sango asked as she held the door open.

Kohaku sighed. "She's been here since 2 AM...she found out he was engaged this morning. I...I haven't talked to her about it. I didn't want to set her off."

Darkness swirled around the figures' faces, and she lost consciousness.

8

She awoke hours later severely hungover and still drunk on a soft couch with a blanket thrown over her.

Soft voices could be heard from the other room. She sighed and closed her eyes in defeat as she listened in on the conversation.

"...We have to call him," Sango murmured softly. "He is going to be extremely irate at the state she has got herself in, but there is nothing else we can do. Either way, not telling him or telling him will piss him off."

Kohaku huffed. "He didn't even have a care to talk to her about his engagement. Instead, he allowed her to get too attached and lead her on with false hopes. It's not fair, Sango! Why should you even try to say anything about what has happened? If he really cares, he can come find her himself."

Sango sighed. "He may not have known that he led her on...I don't know what else to do! No one has gotten through to her. If it's anyone, it's _him._ I can't keep watching her destroy herself. One of these times she could injure herself or kill herself. Kagome is pregnant and doesn't need this added stress. Who else can we go to?"

Kohaku thought for a moment. "Grandma Kaede? Us? Izayoi? Actually, Izayoi could help us out. Call her please. This might be her last chance at help."

Sango nodded. "You're right. I'll call her right now. We clearly aren't helping her."

The dial tone rang a few times before a tired voice answered on the other line. "Hello?"

"Izayoi? It's Sango. We need your help. Rin's in trouble."


	2. Chapter 2

The loud shrill of the phone jarred the woman from her slumber. It was in the wee hours of the morning, and she groggily answered the call.

"...Hello?" she murmured as she swept a hand over her eyes.

"Izayoi? We need your help! Rin is in trouble!"

Her eyes widened and as adrenaline shot through her veins. "I'll be there soon!"

The noise woke her mate, Inutaishio. "Dear? What is going on?" He ran a gentle hand down her arm to steady his wife.

"Sango called. Rin is in trouble of some sort. We need to go to her home immediately."

She hopped out of bed, and quickly rifled through drawers for appropriate clothing. Inutaishio was out of bed not long after. Izayoi grabbed her first aid kit, and both rushed out of the door.

They had rushed over to Sango's home as quickly as they could. Once Izayoi had seen Rin's pale, sick face, the sight had made her want to cry for the poor girl.

Rin felt a gentle hand sweep her long black hair back from her face. She opened her eyes slightly, and saw the gentle face of Izayoi.

"Oh Rinny...why did you do this to yourself?"

A sob escaped Rin's throat as she looked into Izayoi's tearful eyes. "It hurts, Izayoi. My heart hurts...why?!"

She sobbed and threw herself into Izayoi's arms. Her body ached, and her head still pounded with the effects from the alcohol. Darkness swirled at the edges of her vision, and she fell into its welcoming embrace.

8

Rin had been living at Inutaisho and Izayoi's home for almost a week and a half before anyone had asked her about her behavior. Kohaku had visited a few times; and she enjoyed his company. However, she was treated as if she was a fragile doll; and it was this that she despised the most. She was in the library reading a novel when Inutaisho visited her. "Rin, may I speak to you in my study for a moment?" he asked her in a gentle voice.

She nodded. "Of course."

As they sat down, Inutaisho's phone rang. Thinking it was Izayoi, he put the phone on speaker.

"Sir? We have some dire news. Kohaku...was killed in the mission."

Rin's face paled with shock. Inutaisho hung up the phone and left the office to call an emergency meeting. She was still in the office when Kohaku's death had been announced to the group. Sango's screams had tormented her ears; but she had to be strong and hold the family together. She clenched her fists to prevent herself from crying. She fled from the office to her bedroom.

Inutashio's facial expression was grim as he came back to his office with Izayoi and sat down at his office chair. "This is the twelfth warrior we have lost….I don't know what to do. Naraku is getting stronger…and I fear that we may be the next to be attacked. I can't lose security. They are all family to us…" He worriedly expressed to Izayoi.

Izayoi sighed shakily. "I don't want to send anyone else…Inuyasha and Kagome are doing their best…but I do not want them in harm's way. Sango is grieving, and Miroku is in the hospital. Sesshomaru must be protected. We can't have him fighting with the upcoming marriage. The only person we can send—"

Golden orbs snapped up. "No. We cannot do that. She is part of this family—"

Izayoi grabbed his hands. "That decision should be up to her. You know Rin has wanted to fight. She is not a little girl anymore."

He put his face in his hands. "It is a Class X Mission. The most dangerous and classified. Sesshomaru would have our heads for even thinking about it. I want her to be safe…."

Izayoi sighed. "Let her make the choice. She cannot be held back stuffed in some office for the rest of her life. This is not what she trained for."

8

A few days after Kohaku's death, Rin had decided to return to her office at Takahashi Corporations. She was eager for something to take her mind off the recent events. She gazed out the glass window to daydream for a moment. Her office was neat and simple; yet it had its charms. Her favorite piece was the large glass window that allowed her to see the wonders of the city. She had been working on a large report that Sesshomaru had not been able to complete. She had not seen him since the incident, and she wasn't sure if he even knew-or cared to know what she was up to. He had an immense amount of responsibilities, and she was sure he was preoccupied with his new fiancee. Her heart ached just thinking of him, but she knew she shouldn't interfere in his life right now. She was a mess, and he didn't need to deal with her problems.

The radio in her office switched to public news announcements. One announcement in particular stole her breath away.

The public announcement to publicly confirm of their engagement had stolen the breath from her lungs.

Of course she knew he had gotten engaged, and of course the entire world would have to know about it.

Sesshomaru had announced it on the radio; and how lucky she had been to be near the radio with that specific station on at the Takahashi Corporation Building. Tears ran down her face as she covered her mouth to quiet the sounds of her crying.

A tap on her office door revealed Kagome, who seemed to have perfect timing.

Kagome was one of the only ones who knew of Rin's feelings for Sesshomaru. Everyone else was completely ignorant of this fact. After all, Rin was only his best friend. Kagome watched the girl crumple to the floor.

"It doesn't matter. Just let it knock you over, Rin. Please don't shut your feelings out anymore!" Kagome pleaded with her friend as she held her close. "I can't stand to see you like this..."

Rin smiled sadly. "I'm okay, really. It's just a shock to me that they needed to publicly confirm it. That's all. I'm crying because I am happy for him. I'm happy...that he's found someone who loves him. That's all I've ever wanted. Was for him to be happy."

Kagome's eyes widened. "Rin..."

Rin closed her eyes and smiled. "You don't have to worry about me, Kags. I'm fine. Just a normal female reaction. Now tell me about Sango's news!" Everyone was happy. She was absolutely ecstatic about her friends finding their happiness and success. But what gnawed at her wounded heart was that she had nothing. No one. Just herself. But this had to be accepted.

She knew this.

Yet she still was caught up in the web of unrequited love. Kagome was married to Inuyasha. Sango and Miroku were married and expecting their first child together. Izayoi and Inutaishio were vacationing and enjoying retirement. Sesshomaru...oh how even the thought of his name burned with pain in her chest.

Sesshomaru had taken over the company, and had found himself a mate.

Rin was employed by the company, and watched her best friend be happy without her. He rarely stopped by to see her anymore. That's just how it was. If he wanted it that way, then she accepted it. She wasn't going to make his life erratic with her pitiful utterance of feelings. She had to accept the fact that he wasn't, and never was, within her grasp. Once he was married, she would take even more extra hours on top of the extra hours she had taken. That way there would be no excuse to see him or have time to wallow in despair. However, she was one of the top employees. He would have to see her at some point; and it would be excruciating to see him. It was pathetic and weak, yet this was her life. No one saw her in any other way than just another girl, she was just Rin.

Kagome jarred her from her thoughts. "Rin?"

The younger female quickly shook her head. "Ah-sorry! I was lost in thought of what I have to do! Man work is piling up lately! Oh well! It's good to be busy!"

Kagome's eyes saddened. Of course Rin would avoid all conversation about her feelings.

She put an arm around the girl. "You've been working yourself into the ground. Why?"

Rin smiled. "I'm saving up money to travel and for school."

Kagome's brow furrowed. "You do know that Izayoi will fly you anywhere at anytime right? You're a family friend Rin-forget that! You're a part of the family. Why are you going through all of this?"

"I want to earn it myself. I think it will be a lot more meaningful."

 _That way I can't be tracked. This way I can not be here for the wedding and no one can stop me._ She thought somberly to herself.

Kagome sighed. "Very well. I have to leave the office now. Inuyasha's building some contraption at home. Who knows what trouble he has gotten into!"

Rin hugged her friend tightly. "Alright! Thanks for stopping in!" As soon as Kagome left, she settled at her desk and broke down. She had to start working immediately on her getaway plan.


	3. Chapter 3

Rin's office phone rang; jarring her from her wandering mind. She picked up the phone and answered, thinking it was another task she had to add to her plate. "Hello?"

"Rin? I need you to come to my office. It is very important." Inutashio spoke urgently, and she knew something was off.

She immediately stood. "Absolutely. I'll be there soon."

8

When she arrived at his office, his facial expression was serious. "I called you here because I wanted to know if you would be willing to take on a mission. It is a Class X mission, Rin. We've lost twelve members of the security team in the past three months. I didn't want to ask, but you have high skills and training needed for this mission. I need your help."

A long silence fell between the two.

After awhile, she nodded. "I accept, although I have a request."

Golden orbs widened. "Anything."

"I request that no one is told of this agreement, and that in the event of my death, do not disclose how or why. I also will not be at Sesshomaru's wedding. I request to be sent on business trip or errands."

Inutaisho sighed. "Request...granted."

She smiled gently at him. "I will do whatever I can to protect this family. I owe you that. You and Izayoi have done so much for me. This is the least I can do for you."

Shocked golden eyes locked with hers. "You do not owe us anything, Rin. You are a part of this family. One of us. Maybe you shouldn't-"

Rin shook her head. "Please let me do this. I want to fight, and I want to be useful. I have people I want to protect. I can't do that hiding in an office."

Inutaisho nodded solemnly; he knew that he couldn't stop her otherwise.

8

 **A Few Months Later-Rin POV**

A thousand unspoken words flowed through my veins as I held the wedding invitation in my hands.

This was cruel.

Why hadn't anyone told them was not going to be present? Why have them send me an invitation? I haven't seen him in days anyways.

I could tell he was happy-just from the way he had talked about her at a family dinner a few weeks back. His usual serious and reserved face had softened into an expression of love and warmth that I wish I had had the opportunity to see more of. There was one key factor to this statement: _she_ had been the one to warm his heart. _She_ had "been the missing piece of himself that he had been looking for", and that _they_ "saw eye to eye on so many things". I won't deny that I envy her, or that shards of pain etch my heart; but I am happy for him that he has found the person he was looking for, and that everyone I hold dear to my heart has found the same happiness.

For myself, I feel that my life has slowed to a crawl, and that I am stuck in a corner watching my life and the world pass me by without batting an eyelash. Feelings of emptiness has plagued me for so long that it is now a part of me, and I have missed crucial parts of life: love, accomplishments, and growth. No one knows this. I tell no one of my thoughts, because no one wants to hear such dark things. I tell myself that it is wrong to feel this way, and are not valuable. To function, I ignore how I feel and that I do not need anyone. I commandeer my own ship that can only sail if it is of my own volition.

The mission has given me a purpose, and I intend to fulfill it to the best of my ability.

8

A few days before the rehearsal for the wedding, Rin heard a soft knock on her apartment door.

Kagome.

She quietly opened the door and greeted her friend. Kagome's face was etched with worry. "Hey, Rin! How are you?"

Rin carefully maneuvered herself in the doorway to hide the growing stacks of boxes and bags. "Hey, Kags. What's up? Is everything okay?" She put on a poker face to disguise her emotion.

Her friend sighed. "I looked at the security deployment log and your name was on it! You aren't even going to be here for the wedding? What's going on? No one has told me anything!"

Rin leaned her tired head against the door frame. "I have a mission to do. It's part of the job. I'm not going to refuse a mission that will help to protect the company, Kagome. You and everyone knows this."

Tears leaked from her eyes. "I understand, but...have you told _him_ how you felt at least?"

Old wounds reopened from the simple sentence. Rin's chest felt the heavy burden settle in her chest again. "What do you want me to do, Kagome? He's happy. That's all that matters. "She spoke with a soft, anguished tone. "I'm not getting in the way of something wonderful like that. It's not my place. Even if I felt…that way, I would never do that. I value our friendship more than that. Please, understand me."

Kagome put her hands on Rin's shoulders and gave her friend a fierce, yet emotional look. "Why are you so hell bent on leaving all of a sudden? Where are you going? Why won't you be here for the wedding? Please tell me. I don't understand you, Rin...I don't understand…"

Rin smiled gently at her friend. "I want to help out the company, Kagome. I want to make a difference. I don't want to be there. I think you understand that better than anyone else. Let me go, Kagome. I want to go on the business trip. I can't tell you because it's classified."

Kagome took a step back. "O-okay, Rin. Call me when you land or get to wherever you're going."

Rin hugged her friend. "Thank you. I appreciate everything you have done for me. I just wanted you to know that."

Kagome's eye brows furrowed in confusion. "Why are you acting like this, Rin? What is really going on?"

"Rin, what is wrong?" Kagome demanded as she watched her friend's poker face crack.

Rin shook her head. "Nothing. I'm fine. Excuse me..."

Rin walked out of her apartment and quickly ran to her car.

"Rin! Please..." Kagome's anguished voice halted the poor girl in her tracks. "Why? Why are you leaving? Why won't you be here?"

Tears ran down Rin's face as she turned to her friend. "I'm never the one. I'm never the girl that a person wants to hang out with. I'm ignored. Forgotten. No one wants anything to do with me unless they are bored, or want something from me. I'm never the one that a guy chooses to love. I've come to realize that I will never be enough. For anyone. And that I will always be forgotten. Kagome," she paused as the emotion griped her throat

"There are weeks when people don't even ask me a simple question like how I am doing. They say hello if they see me walking by, and that's the end of conversation. I won't be there at the wedding because I'm choosing to be the one to leave. I'm going to leave him alone and let him be happy. I won't interfere with that. I want him to be happy and be with the one he loves."

She gripped her car for support as her shoulders shook. "I'm...not coming back, Kagome. I'm going on the X Mission, and I won't stop until I have tried to do as much as I can to protect the people I love. So please...if you love me at all, let me go do what I have to. And for my safety, please don't tell anyone, especially him. Please."

Kagome broke down and pulled the broken girl into her arms. "You are always enough for me, Rin. Always. I won't tell anyone, but promise me something."

Rin looked into Kagome's crying eyes. "Anything."

"Promise me you are going to tell him how you feel before you leave."

Her breath caught in her throat. "...I will…"

Kagome gave the crying woman a hug; and watched her get into the car and drive away. Worry filled her heart for Rin.


	4. Chapter 4

8

She arrived back at the company headquarters a few days later with her plan set in motion to fulfill her promise to Kagome. She slowly made her way to his office and half hoped he wasn't there.

He was.

She knocked on his door. Oh lord, her heart ached as she saw how beautiful he was. He wore a simple white shirt, black tie, and black slacks, but he was beautiful as he focused on his work.

She forced a smile on her face. "Hey, stranger. I haven't seen you in a while. Do you want to get lunch? My treat."

A small smile graced his cold face. "Hello, Rin." He checked his watch. "I guess I can spare a moment. Let me ask my boss."

She laughed softly. "Were you granted permission?"

He rolled his eyes. "Of course I was."

He got up from his desk and followed her down the hall. He noticed her heart rate had increased, and she smelled anxious and nervous, but he paid it no heed. Rin was always worried about something.

They had picked up lunch from their favorite cafe and had settled by the pond in a park nearby. Surprisingly, the area was secluded and no one but the two of them were around. They ate in silence; he was enjoying the break away from the office and she felt like the world was closing in on her. She tried to think of what to say, but words were failing her.

His gaze shifted to his friend; sweat glistened her temples as a rosy flush kissed her cheeks. "Are you alright, Rin?" He held a palm to her forehead. "You're awfully warm."

With a sharp intake of breath, she took his hand off of her forehead and gently held it to her cheek. His brow furrowed as he gazed into her eyes. Her lips parted as she froze in his gaze. "Sess…"

His gaze dropped to her lips, and a sudden desire to kiss her flooded his veins. Secretly, he harbored feelings for her; but he could not act on them. He had a duty to marry a demoness and produce a pure bloodline. As he fought with himself, she carefully read his facial expressions.

"Sesshomaru?" she whispered softly, trying to get a response from the dog demon.

He was brought back to the present, and was made aware of their position. "Please...excuse me for a moment, Rin."

He stood, but didn't take his arm from her. "I love you!" she blurted.

He tore his arm from her grasp. She nodded in understanding; and a hard lump formed in her throat as he turned away from her. He didn't return her feelings. This should not have been a surprise to her; the rejection should not be a shock to her system. However, pain and sorrow raked down her body. _He is going to hate me after this_ , she anxiously thought to herself.

She stood as she spoke. "I didn't invite you out here to start anything, Sess. I-I came here to set things right."

His eyes widened in surprise, and he slightly turned towards her. He was shocked; and his body felt frozen in place. He hadn't thought she would love him as he loved her; but he knew it was never meant to be.

A tear slid down her cheek as she continued to speak. "I love you. I always have. But...I realize that you don't feel the same. I understand that. I know your wedding is just a few days away. I just wanted you to know. I am not telling you this because I want to wreck your happiness. If what will make you happy is for me to let go then I will do it. I want you to be happy more than anything else. I promise I will be a friend-but that is only if you want to stay friends. I will never utter or give any looks of love. I just want you to be happy."

His silence was scaring her; and it smacked her into reality. Of course he would never love her that way. She might have just permanently destroyed their friendship; and she regretted telling him. She ruined his break from the office. She couldn't take it back; and she continued to speak.

Her teary eyes locked with his. "I know you don't feel that way about me; but please give me an answer. Reject me so I can let you go. Please."

He took a deep breath and avoided her gaze as he lied to her. It was better this way. They could never be. "I only see you...as a friend, Rin."

She nodded, and smiled sadly. This time when she reached for his hand again, he let her take it. She have a small smile in return. "As a wedding gift to show my respect, I won't be present. I am being sent on the business trip during that time to cover business details. I took it over so Inutaishio can be here for your wedding. I don't plan on returning until the details are all settled. I will also give my one month resignation letter. That way there won't be any awkward times. And...and if that's not enough..." Her lip quivered. "Then I will never bother you again. Just tell me, and I will be gone."

She let go of his hand and walked back in the direction of her car. She stopped for a moment. With her back turned, she murmured her last words to him.

"Thank you for all of the wonderful opportunities that saved my life. The job, the support, everything meant the world to me. Thank you."

With that, those were the last words she would speak to him for a long time. He remained frozen where he was.

8

A few days after her confession, she had not received any word from Sesshomaru. With the wedding date approaching in a matter of two days, he had the perfect excuse to avoid her. She also accepted the fact that she most likely was not going to survive the mission.

Inutaishio had privately asked her to take on this mission. In the last three months alone, the family had lost valuable comrades trying to defeat Naraku and his men. She could afford to be lost. She had nothing tying herself down, and no one was waiting for her at home. Inwardly, she had hoped that Sesshomaru would have stopped her; but he had not even noticed that she had taken on a mission due to the mission deployment log. She was packing her supplies in her apartment, and readying herself to leave and meet her team that she was going on the mission with. Inutaisho insisted that she could not go alone; so a few other demons had volunteered to go with her. As she opened the front door, she took one last look around her apartment. This had been her home for as long as she could remember; and a part of her ached to leave it. She gently smiled as she shut the door behind her. At least she was protecting her family. That was the most important thing to her now.

8

Two days later, on the day of Sesshomaru's wedding, it had taken many hours to track where the unnamed enemy had its hideout. Rin and her team had tracked them to an abandoned warehouse about about an hour from where the Takahashi family lived.

9

She effortlessly dodged the attacks of the attackers.

They were several highly trained demons; and their leader had not revealed themselves yet. They had tracked the enemy to an abandoned warehouse in the forest that was several towns from the Takahashi family.

With her swords poised like a cobra, Rin struck when the opportunity presented itself. However, unlike most of her previous engagements with enemies, this one had put up quite a fight. The team had gotten separated as the numbers of the demons increased. They were near the entrance of the warehouse and she had been pushed further in. She knew that this mission had a chance of her not returning home; but home right now was in turmoil. He was getting married today. He was chasing after a woman that she could never be. No one was chasing after her.

 _Crack!_

Her distracted mind had costed her. The demon's claw like arm struck her abdomen; sending her flying backwards.

"Rin?" One of her team members called over their ear pieces. "Are you alright?"

She pushed herself to her feet. "Yeah...just a bruise. Stick together. How is everyone?"

They all answered that they were okay, and most had a few minor injuries. Just as she was about to give a command, Naraku appeared.

"Well hello, Rin! Isn't this a grand surprise. Where's your pet dog? They sent you here, while he gets married to another woman...now this is eventful!"

Shock froze her in place. "Everyone get out of here! Retreat! Naraku is here-!" she tried to warn them, but Naraku sent her flying backwards into a concrete pillar.

"Don't ruin the fun, Rinera. I've just gotten here."

He knelt down and pulled her radio communicator from her ear. "If you all want your captain to live, I suggest you join her immediately."

He laughed in amusement as he heard the threats come over the line.

They arrived and fought their best. However, many of her team were injured. Naraku's henchmen kept regenerating, and increased in their numbers. While most of her team was preoccupied with the henchmen, Rin attacked Naraku head on, and as she sent a pure arrow at him, he began to slowly disintegrate.

"You little bitch!" He snarled in pain as his body began to fail him. A tentacle wrapped around her waist and plowed her through one of the leftover storage columns that had been left from whatever company had owned the abandoned warehouse. She screamed in pain as her bones broke from the force of the impact. She landed hard on her side; and her consciousness faded in and out as pain danced throughout her body. Her legs were crushed beneath a large pillar that Naraku had knocked over with his remaining strength. "He will never believe or miss you...you will die here in vain." Naraku had hissed in her ear as he fled.

Several of her bones had been broken and her armor felt sticky. She knew she didn't have long. She and her team had put a stop to Naraku-at least for now. It would take him awhile to regenerate. She didn't know if anyone was still alive, but she hoped at least some of them had gotten out.

"Captain?" her battered radio squeaked. "Rianara, do you read me?"

She moved her shaky hand and attempted to answer. After several failed attempts to hit the right button, she was able to get a response through.

"Yes...don't worry 'bout me...Code one...four...nine…how...many...survived?"

Code 149. The team member won't make it.

"Yes, ma'am. Eight out of ten are critical. Two casualties. Sending reinforcements." was the only response.

It was a hard thing to bear, but since she was the team leader, they had to follow her orders-whether they were her last orders or not. It hurt her that two had lost their lives and most of the team was critically injured. Darkness welcomed her with open arms as her tired brown orbs began to close. Her body felt numb and cold as her mind faded in and out of consciousness. At times she felt overwhelming pain, but her mind graciously pulled her back into the darkness.

8

 **At the wedding reception**

With all the excitement and chaos at the wedding, Rin's absence was noticed, but many did not pay it much attention. It was obvious to many of the poor girl's affections for a certain someone, except him.

At the wedding reception, Kagura and Sesshomaru danced the first dance when Ito, one of the team members from Rin's squadron, rushed to Inutaisho's side. His armor was awry, and blood caked the side of his pale face.

He placed a hand on Inutaisho's shoulder and spoke quickly in a hushed whisper.

"Sir. I need to tell you urgent news."

Inutashio's face paled in response. "What?! About...the…"

Ito nodded.

Guests started to notice the battered young demon, and Inutaisho pulled the man out into the hallway of the reception area. He caught Sesshomaru's piecing, questioning gaze as he pulled Ito out of the room. After checking it was clear, he let Ito speak.

"We did as much as we could on the mission, sir. Most of the team is in critical condition. We lost Kaguya and Len. As for Captain….I'm so sorry sir. She ordered a Code 149 and we were forced to leave. I fear it is a bigger challenge than originally thought. Naraku is involved. He was heavily damaged but I can't say how long we have."

Shock shook him to the core.

The father of the bride was involved.

"What mission?" A voice snarled from behind them. "What happened to Rin?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 6-Where Do I Go From Here?**

As soon as his dance with Kagura was over, he excused himself to go his father. Kagura was dancing with one of her relatives as Sesshomaru headed towards Inutaisho. He overheard a conversation regarding Rin on a mission, and anger exploded in his system. "What mission? Where's Rin?"

Inutaisho turned to face his elder son; his expression was grim. "In regards to Rin, I cannot discuss the classified information. I'm sorry, son."

Sesshomaru's eyes began to turn a crimson hue. "Where. Is. She." He demanded as his power grew.

Inutaisho spoke calmly. "Sesshomaru. You need to calm down. She requested that the information remain classified. I cannot break her trust."

Sesshomaru's hand closed around the throat of Rin's teammate. "Tell me where she is."

Ito struggled for breath as he tried to escape the dog demon's death grip on his throat. Trying to escape was futile. He took a gamble with his life as he spoke. "She...went on

a Class X mission, Sesshomaru...to the Wells Warehouse. We came with an emergency report after Rin gave a Code 149 order...I'm sorry..."

Ice ran through his veins. Before he knew it, he was running and commanding orders to get to Rin.

8

Without telling many people, Sesshomaru had left the wedding and arrived at the abandoned warehouse with Kagome and some of his security team. It was apparent that Naraku had been here. Most of the building was severely damaged; and Sesshomaru could smell Naraku everywhere in the warehouse.

"Where is she?" he growled as they entered the building. After a few minutes, a voice called out that they had found her.

"Lord Sesshomaru! Over here! She's trapped under a pillar!"

Voices jarred her to consciousness. "Oh, Rin…" Sesshomaru whispered as he rushed to her side.

A hand gently brushed her hair back from her face, and in a moment, the soft baritone voice was barking out orders. "Get the pillar off of her immediately! We need to move her as soon as possible. The rest of you, guard the parameters!"

"I'll numb her up...I don't know how much she can feel. Or what damage there is…" Kagome murmured as she injected the poor girl with some pain medication before the pillar was removed from Rin's lower body. The rest of her body soon became numb, and the girl's eyes fluttered shut as some pain subsided.

The weight was lifted from her broken body, and strong arms gently lifted her from the ground. She felt nothing, and it did not register who had come to save her. The last thing she saw was crying golden eyes.

8

She was rushed to the hospital, but the look on the paramedics' faces was grim. She was gravely injured; and the chance of her walking again if she survived the ordeal was slim to none. Rin was admitted to the ICU; where she stayed for the next several hours. The family had paid for a private waiting room area to protect the family from paparazzi and potential threats. Kagura had called Sesshomaru's cell phone several times; but he had shut his phone off. His stomach churned with the knowledge that Kagura's father was involved with Rin's injuries. Naraku had been present for the wedding ceremony, but had quickly stepped out for a "business call".

While most of the family was near each other, Sesshomaru sat alone in the corner of the room with his hands covering his face. If she died, he would never forgive himself. The damage that was done to her body was immense; and even if she did survive, he didn't know how it would impact her life.

He left a hand on his shoulder. "Son." Inutaisho gently spoke. "Rin left a letter for you. She asked for it to be given to you after your wedding, but I think you should read it now. Take some time to yourself; maybe go home for a bit. The doctor said she went in for surgery. They won't give an update for a few more hours."

Sesshomaru nodded and took the letter from his father as he stood up. "Thank you, father."

He excused himself from the room and went to sit in his car to read the letter privately.

" _Sess,_

 _My heart is breaking as I write you this letter. I left because I know that I don't have a place in your life anymore. You are moving on to bigger and better things, and I am getting in the way. I have loved you since we met, and I will always love you. But I needed to leave so you can continue to move on to bigger and better things. I know that since you have Kagura in your life now, she is the main priority-as she should be- and has taken a new role and space in your life. Both of you will build a wonderful future together._

 _On the other hand, I'm a mess and a problem. You don't have time nor do you need to deal with that added stress. By leaving, I'm freeing you from any obligation to me. It's too selfish of me to ask you to worry about me and all of my issues when you are working on building your future and new life. I don't want to bother you, Sess. I want you to be able to accomplish anything you dream of. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. I don't want anyone being sent after me, and I don't expect you to help me if you hear about me having issues._

 _I wish you the best. I really do, Sess. I hope that you will accomplish everything you want to. If I may give you a little advice, it's don't keep your wonderful, warm heart hidden Sess. You keep your warm, caring side hidden from the world. Let it show-especially to your family. They need you, Sess. And you need them. They care about you so much more than you think. You don't have to forget the past; but live in the present and future._

 _-Rin"_

His hands shook as tears slowly slid down his cheeks. She didn't have to leave. He didn't want her to leave. He couldn't tell her how he really felt because of his duty; and she had paid the price for his silence. He loved her so much in his own way. He loved her smile, and the way her eyes lit up when she talked about the things she loved. She had always been there for him; and always made time for him when he needed something. He had failed to protect her; and the thought of losing her shook him to his core.

He needed her.

He loved her.

Golden orbs flashed open as he came to this realization.

He always had shoved his emotions away and never allowed himself to dwell on what they meant. Duty and honor came before anything else as he had been taught; and yet his emotions had found a way around this lesson.

Now, he was married to a woman he didn't love-and possibly could be an accomplice to Rin's attack. The woman he loved could pass away from any moment; and he would never be able to see her again.


End file.
